Relationships start with “Hello” and end with “Goodbye.” The former is welcomed while the later is often dreaded. Our lives are shaped by these bi-lateral realities. We can’t avoid them, it’s part of the fabric that makes us human.
When getting married the rituals are defined, planned and usually involve joyous friends and family helping us celebrate an exciting beginning. Despite the hefty investment, the process is deemed “worth it” given its rich payoff. On the other hand, divorce unfolds reactively and is fueled by distress and disappointment. Often one is isolated and alone as they contemplate future uncertainty. The rituals are triggered reactive patterns of blame, threats and verbal attacks resulting in a need to protect oneself from anticipated harm. Usually there’s significant fear of economic instability, loss of attachments and chronic stress surrounding an uncertain future.
“Collaborative divorce cultivates healthy rituals for saying goodbye while shaping a new hello.”
Most couples in crisis who reach the point of divorce have limited awareness of their options. Many believe “I get my attorney, you get your attorney,” and somewhere we’ll meet in the middle. This is the traditional “litigated model” of divorce that is often costly, confusing and corrupting.
Those a bit more savvy, appreciate the role of mediation when facing the end. Hiring a mediator allows a couple to sit with a 3rd party neutral who helps them discuss and navigate decisions around children, property, finances, etc. in order to draft a joint agreement that guides their transition.
A newer and emotionally intelligent approach is collaborative divorce. This is a team-based model where-by the divorcing couple engages a team of trained professionals made up of two attorneys, a financial neutral, mental health coach and possibly a child specialist who work together in assisting the couple to discuss, dialogue and decide on how to restructure their new lives with dignity and purpose.
As a trained Collaborative Divorce Coach here’s what you need to know:
- How Collaborative Divorce Works
- Benefits of Collaborative Divorce
- Your Collaborative Divorce Team
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Collaboratives Divorce Resources
Check out this brochure on resolving disputes respectfully via the Collaborative Process